Pages

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Nse Ikpe-Etim talks about her r/ship & how she got Engaged


I had been immunized against the bug and this is received through all the amazing lessons life hands you on a platter.  I had a boyfriend when it was a taboo to have one. I was 17. Our first meeting was as ordinary as it gets. I went on a stroll which was not uncommon those days on our estate, and there came this young man driving his father’s car.

He stopped, chatted with me for a while and I wonder what he said that made me get into his car and have him drop me off. He called the intercom and we talked again but he knew the times to call when mum would not do the picking. Little did I know that the day he picked me up was the day I would begin the journey.


We spent our spare moments together, talking, walking and when we walked the streets, word travelled swiftly to our parents. On my arrival home, a cane was the welcome party. We always paid dearly for those nights because our parents wanted us to be straight kids, but we didn’t mind.

This did not deter me nor stop my stubborn heart from wanting to be with him. I had a friend who listened to my fears and laughed at my tales of the experiences school had brought with it, alongside the education I so craved. I remember when he played the guitar and sang Chris de burgh’s “Lady in Red”. It was so beautiful; the funny thing is that I was not wearing red when he sang, but in that moment red was just a state of mind.

I was fragile and he was so caring, attentive to my every need. We would meet up at 7.30pm under the stairs and talk till it was almost 10pm. Then he would tell me it was time to go. I would sulk, make faces till I cried and he would be forced to stay at least a second more. Well that was until mum called out my name and I would run inside, pretending the trash was my mission. He would run back home and sometimes, the doors would be locked and he would have to call for someone to open the door. He was the best friend I’d never had.
After dad’s passing, I craved the father-daughter relationship so much that I looked at him in that light. I had found my first true love. He took me on many firsts; squash, scrabble games, drives, music. And the day that Tunisia and Nigeria played a match at the stadium in Surulere, he asked me out on a date. It was our first official date (who takes a girl out to a football match on a first date?) We went out to watch the Eagles play and I was blown away. We won the match and he had won my heart. Our friends marveled at the way our love grew and we became the bad examples of what not to be.

When we walked, mothers would point at us and say “that’s what you should never be” hahahaha… We were good friends, and much more. I had only learnt to cook at 15 and dad passed before I succeeded in making Egusi soup edible. My best friend was a willing guinea pig, tasting any and every meal I cooked. Watching him enjoy my cooking was therapeutic, considering the effort it took dad to eat the morsels of pounded yam and my rather shoddy Egusi soup.
I began to hope that one day I would bear his kids. At 17 though, kids and their thoughts!

The semester had resumed and we both went back to our different schools, no emails, no cell phones, no blackberries or WhatsApp. The post office was rather cumbersome. All we had were our hearts and our thoughts. It turns out that was all the connection we needed. When the holidays came around I looked forward to seeing him, and then he told me he was leaving the country. My heart broke and tears poured freely down my face, I begged him to stay but he told me he had to go. I accepted this with a heavy heart and hoped that one day I would find a friend like him. When we got to the airport, I bade him farewell, he turned and said “I will come back, Nse”. I cried my heart out and went back to school the next day. I had lost the only friend who never judged me, who sang to me, and told me I was beautiful.

The years went by and one day I ran into his mum and got his number off her. We started talking again but I decided to let him go. I dated other men, became a woman and swore never to marry. I knew it wasn’t meant for me because after what I saw my parents have, mine had to be just like theirs or better!
I had finally become a woman, set in her ways but something was missing. So again I set out to look for him.

I searched every social network to no avail and one day I used a search engine and there he was staring back at me. I sent him an email and he responded. We were ecstatic. At least I was, I had found the only man who knew the right things to say to make me happy. Then he proposed. I was over the moon. I accepted and told mum. My family was happy because they knew our history and just when I was getting ready to be Mrs……. He broke it off! I cried again, third time is a charm yea? He wasn’t supposed to make my mascara run he was meant to smear my lipstick!

I had been heartbroken yet again but this time it was done by him not a circumstance. I hated him, I loathed him and I rued the day I first set my eyes on him! He had changed me and now no man meant anything to me. I just dated and if it was inconvenient, I walked away. My famous quote “I was not born to be married” raised dust in some quarters, but no one cared to know why! Why get married to someone who would cheat on you or better still whom I would cheat on? Why get married to someone who would make me a shadow of myself or perhaps, have me give up my career for him? Yes, again I say, I was not born to be married.

I got an email from him after so many years and I hated his guts. I alternated between ignoring him and giving frosty replies. He had my sister play mediator and that earned him a fairly warm reply. Well at least he was honest to walk away when he did rather than walk all over me in the marriage.

As the days went by, we spoke about so many things, emotions got in the way and he blurted it “I would love to spend the rest of my life with my sweetheart” and I asked him “have you told her?”. He said he had been trying but she seemed distant (abi you for no pretend say you no sabi say na you) oh well. I wanted him to say the words. And he did! “Will you marry me?”

My heart skipped a beat and I said “listen yeah, you just have to give me some time to think this through” I knew my answer would be yes, but how was I to tell him I never got over him? Would I be perceived as weak, needy or just a desperate woman? It had taken us two decades to get to this point and what a road we had come. This is my heart, my happiness my true love had come back to me. Who cares what anyone thinks!

… So I got on the phone, called my friend and asked her to send him a card, flowers and a bottle of wine with my reply… “Yes I will marry you, my one true Love” Well I think that’s what I sent, but to be honest I was quite giddy. The long and short of it is that I said yes and my life has never been the same!

Culled from Myhandismine

20 comments:

  1. Wow that was quite an epistle! I love....though.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awwwwwwww Nse so sweet!

    ReplyDelete
  3. So happy 4 u darl

    ReplyDelete
  4. I enjoyed every bit of your story but you failed to tell us if he was d man dat paved d way 4 oda BURAH in you life

    ReplyDelete
  5. "He wasn’t supposed to make my mascara run he was meant to smear my lipstick"...awww, what a poetic line! I swear, true love is sweet! Will just make u shed tears of joy, I sure know what it is cos am in it! *embarrassed face*

    *Otuanyanwu

    ReplyDelete
  6. It sounds like movie script..

    ReplyDelete
  7. how i wish most ladies would believe that no matter what endurance is the key to a sucessful life. they feel they have it all bet they got nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I had a childhood rship like this but I don't have her happy ever after ending......

    -Miss D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww we all cant v the same ending in life

      Delete
  9. I was more than happy to find this web site.
    I need to to thank you for your time for this fantastic read!
    ! I definitely loved every part of it and I have you bookmarked to see new things on
    your web site.

    Here is my homepage; Permanent Hair Straightening

    ReplyDelete
  10. There's definately a lot to find out about this issue. I love all of the points you've made.


    Take a look at my site clicking here

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hiya very cool web site!! Man .. Beautiful .
    . Amazing .. I will bookmark your website and take the feeds additionally?
    I am glad to find so many helpful info here in the publish, we'd like work out more strategies in this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .

    my webpage Unknown

    ReplyDelete
  12. Everything is very open with a precise description of the challenges.
    It was really informative. Your website is extremely helpful.

    Thank you for sharing!

    Stop by my web site - The Interlace

    ReplyDelete
  13. Very descriptive blog, I liked that a lot. Will there be a part 2?


    My web blog Minecraft Gift Code Generator

    ReplyDelete
  14. Good web site you've got here.. It's hard to find
    high quality writing like yours these days. I honestly appreciate individuals like you!
    Take care!!

    Stop by my blog - Code Psn Gratuit

    ReplyDelete
  15. Pretty! This has been a really wonderful post. Many thanks for providing
    these details.

    Feel free to surf to my homepage: Free psn Codes

    ReplyDelete
  16. Howdy! I'm at work surfing around your blog from my new iphone 3gs! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the fantastic work!

    my webpage Psn Code Generator

    ReplyDelete
  17. I all the time emailed this blog post page to all my friends, since if like
    to read it next my contacts will too.

    my site - psn code generator

    ReplyDelete