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Saturday, January 5, 2013

Must Read: An Open Letter To Tonto Dikeh From An Igbo Man


Dear Tonto Dikeh,

I know you feel beautiful this morning! Well, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. For me, you are nowhere near ‘beautiful’. You are just there. But before I tell you what I really want to tell you, I need to tell you something. There is a lady called Adele. She is a singer. She sings.

 I need to explain what a singer means, because I understand that you have no brain at all. Because I hate sugar-coating, I am hated by a lot of people. You are just like me too. I will understand when people hate you, but, seriously, if you think Igbo men are nosy, then, you are right. That is your opinion and you must protect it.

I am an Igbo man. I will defend myself right now. Back to Adele. I will tell you everything about this young lady who transformed herself into something very beautiful in the eyes of men. I also understand that you don’t know her, but it won’t hurt if I tell you about her now. This is what TIME magazine wrote about her few days ago: “As talented and appealing as she is, few could foresee how utterly dominant Adele would be in 2011: in an era where even the highest-tier musical acts can struggle to move records, her sophomore effort, 21, sold 17 million copies worldwide and spent 16 weeks at the top of the Billboard 200 chart, the longest for any record since 1998's Titanic sound track. Combined with sales of her previous album, 19, Adele has topped the U.K. charts for 21 weeks — a feat matched only by the bands Oasis and Queen.” Tonto nne m, Adele is 23. You are older. She is not worried about her future. You are. She is focused about her music.

You are worried that no Igbo man will marry you after you’ve created yourself into a bamboo stick. Truth is that I don’t know you personally, but you’ve created a strong mystery around yourself. People see you as a soul from hell. They say you’ve sold your soul to the devil. Me, I don’t know where the devil lives, but I think you have. You even went ahead to show us tattoos at your back. I just didn’t understand why you did that. As an Igbo man, I will never marry a woman who has shown the entire world ‘my tattoos.’ It is not good. I am an Igbo man, so I will need to know who snapped the picture. Maybe, your secret boyfriend? This is the reason why we are bad, abi? Adele doesn’t go around seeking attention. She doesn’t pay anyone to publish pictures of her tattoos. Who knows? She may just have a lot of them. I haven’t seen them. I have seen yours.

There is nothing wrong in you tattooing your entire body, but what is my business with that? Are you not supposed to be an actress? Of course, I understand that you appear in pornographic films now? That is good. At least, you are doing what you know best. But to pick on Igbo men? This is very unacceptable. You insulted a lot of us. This simply shows how unintelligent you are towards anthropology. Men are the same all over the world. Igbo man, Yoruba man, Hausa man. We all treat women in similar ways. We love unconditionally. And we all become nosy when our women start acting like you. If your father is an Igbo man, dearest Tonto Dikeh, you are a monkey. But I will be sorry if you didn’t say that. I only rely on the media, since I don’t know you personally. If you didn’t say it, Tonto, I am very sorry. I will publicly apologise. Yet, I believe you did, because you do so many things after marijuana. If it’s not good for your brain, stop smoking. Listen to Adele’s Someone Like You and you will feel good.

I don’t look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
Onyeka Nwelue

24-year-old Onyeka Nwelue is a writer, filmmaker and cultural entrepreneur. Mr.Nwelue, you are definitely going to hear from her lol

29 comments:

  1. Igbo men are bitter lmao Tonto no want una

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  2. Some ppl can just look for trouble. U see trouble sleeping, u go and tap it up lol

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  3. Dis is serious oooo.

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  4. Lmao "listen to adele's someone like you and you will feel good"
    She does not listen to that kinda song its akpako

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    1. RODFL!!! Akpako Babes. you are hilarious...........i wonder why nollywood has not made a movie called akpako babes it seriously won't be beyond them.

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  5. Onyeka o...I have always known you to be a very blunt and non hyperbolic person but this? Oh! Onyeka has mercy!

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  6. Did I say has? Sorry...pls have mercy Onyeka!

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  7. Odera Ʊ sha oo..Tonto#has#mercy!!!(•͡.̮ ~͡)

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  8. Lol.u people shud pls lev dis gal alne.I wish I was a man...I won hav marry ha.I luv ha so much#kissin#

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  9. Truth is d sweetest tin eva.learn from ur mistk and tk a U-Trun.

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  10. Nonsense,y attack d bbe now,d insults r too much,and d person calling sum1 jst der z fucking ugly,leave Tonto Dike alone be der looking 4 cheap publicity

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  11. Tonto is d one lookiing for cheap publicity @Anonymous 12:14am, publishing those ugly tatoos. She is not even a good actress, i wonder if she has ever won any awards. @Onyeka, well said! She aint pretty, she'll def look hideous wifout makeup. She doesnt know anything about professional acting, but in Nigeria almost anything goes. Lets stop celebrating mediocrity. Trust me it aint beef, cos there's nothing to beef it wont last long.

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    1. For ur info, she even looks better without makeup. If u don't wanna see her tatt, pluck out ur rotten vulture eyes.

      Btw she released a statement saying she never granted such interview. Last interview she granted to a paper was to a soft sell mag, not punch. Dunno why this fool still went ahead to publish a letter displaying his stupidity.Pple wud do anything to get in the news. This onyeka is pathetic, dude needs to lose those dreads & allow common sense find its way into that empty brain of his.

      Tess, always publish both sides of a story. That's what's gonna make u stand out from other bloggers.

      -Bibi

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  12. this is so sad. The writer of this letter and Tess , am dissapointed in both of u. The two of u[Tess & the writer] calm to be Igbos , but I as an Igbo man am dissapointed in d two of u. In the 1st place Tess Ume why will u publish this kind of stupid, senseless, and childish letter? If Tonto is d devils daughter, pornstar, worst singer etc, what's ur biz in that? Are u feeding her? Are u her parents? Did u make her what she is today? If she has tattoo all over her body its non of ur biz. What Tonto does it Rihanna,Janet jackson,mariah carey, serina williams do it, d americans will handle it with much maturity and will even try to use it to increase their fame but opposite here d reverse is d case.
    Ur doin all these to bring Tonto down, but unfortunately for u Tonto continue to go higher and higher.shame unto u people.

    For u and Tess that published ds ur nt true Igbo people cos if u are u will never put up a stupid post like this.
    Come rain come sun I love Tonto and will continue to love her till d end of time.
    Taking abt Igbo guys nt liking to marry Tonto, Its a big lie. If Tonto advertises herself for marriage for just a minutes on d internet or on ds blog, d volume of suitors response u get will be enormous unlike when Tess or ds writer do. So lets cultivate d habbit of helping our own celebrities grow instead of always trying to rubbish them.

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  13. Ahaha, wats tess own in dis nau, she is doing her job ni', she's not the one that wrote the letter nau abeg o, if she don't bring the letter to u who will? Besides the letter is just helping tonto become more famous, that's wat celebrity is all about. Smh

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  14. My only problem with Tonto is that she's extremely DAFT!Watched her interview some time ago with Freeze and I wept and said to myself 'did she come into this world with no brains or probably never made it to school!She needs to work on her IQ.My little niece who is 8 is way too smarter than Tonto.Gosh *ewww,she should hv a seat.#Yudy

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  15. As for u@Manny,'u don't make a mountain out of a mole hill' U are trying to correct the writer and TeSs for being insensitive,yet,u are still abusing them even more than the writer did.Lemme ask u one question,do u think u made ur point?U were simply blabbing and spoke a lot of wrong grammer!we r in a democratic regime,everyone to their own opinion,the writer has written his own opinion,if u think u don't agree with it,sign out!Duh!#Yudy

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  16. @Manny ... That ur epistle is vague, lengthy, boring and ultimately irrelevant. U shuldav summarised ur rants and ended it with ur love for Tonto and saved us 2 wasted minutes. However, the letter is good and thumbs up to tess for putting it up. If you av a problem with Onyeka's letter put up a rejoinder on behalf of Tonto... Since you love her so much to bore us with ur words

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  17. Yes oh pls you people should mind ur biz and live Tonto for me and for d people thet are distroying her immage,

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  18. @manny you have a big problem. Now I believe not everyone that reads english undstds it, if not you won't have wrote that stupid comment of yours. Tess has nothing to do with this letter she is doing her job as a blogger. Igbo or no igbo it has absolutely nothing to do with her. Before you comment make good use of your number 6.
    Mimi!

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  19. Onyeka or wad eva ur name is..u r vari stupid u must b mad 4 sayin al dis rubbish..God punish u n dy ordas haters.u piple shud let ha b.u kant b lik ha u kwn it.wad u haters r sayin can't mak or brk ha.BIG FOOLS

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  20. Na waooo pls let her b for haven'ts sake

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  21. Nowadays pple don't have any right to an opinion..one man's meat is another man's poison...ders no need for all d insults it doesn't make ur point heard...Not everyone will like Tonto or Onyeka btw Tess is doing her job.She's an online journalist nd therefore reports wat she feels is news..don't cricufy her...pls....have a gud day pple

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  22. Tonto's voltrons are here lol. In Tonto's voice poko hehehe

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